friend of a friend friend by proxy and I were talking about boys and relationships over ice cream coffee one day. She was telling me how her ex boyfriend has an extremely jealous character, comes with possesiveness and the controlling nature. The Possesive Boyfriend package.
There were trust issues. He constantly checks up her friendster and facebook friends list, never allowing even past crushes to be in her friends list (even though years have gone by and the feelings are long gone). If any strangers of the opposite sex added her up, he always ask who is he and why she accepted the friend request. He checked who she’s chatting with, reading chat histories and archives.
They lived together. He never hesitate to bring over his friends and co-workers to drink or to have a small party celebration. She never forbids him to do so. But whenever she wanted to bring her friends from college or classmates over, which consisted mostly of guys, (which is inevitable, since she spends most of her time in college with her classmates), he would get worked up and they would quarrel most of the time.
He insisted she called him everytime right after her classes ends. Failing to do so, resulted in sighs in disappointment and a warning to come straight home. Which always prompted her to lie and make up fake appointments to delay the journey back home.
He scorned whenever she wears even the subtlest of make up and wears attractive clothes! He prefered her in casual t-shirt and jeans. She prefers to wear cute, flirty, yet modest get-up. Conflicting ideas and opposite natures and characters. With the little in common with each other. In time, he had become co-dependant and needy.
Because he insisted that she share with him her past life (boyfriends, flings, crushes, dates) the ex had these insecurities that in time had destroyed their relationship. Right after lies piled up upon lies and the string of infedelities.
Eventhough her way of escaping the domestic relationship chokehold caused her even more problems, I can’t say I blame her. Can’t say I blame the guy either, because aside from being too clingy he is actually a really nice guy, according to her: tidy, a good cook, "morally uncorrupt”. But unfortunately, not much of a romantic.
She eventually moved out of the apartment when she graduated from college last year. She broke up with him, her reason she told me being ‘sick of lying to him and sick of lying to myself upon loving him’. He asked her if they could ever stay as friends, and if they could occasionally texting or IMing each other. Of course, she lied, and said yes.
I asked her one last question before we part ways. Why did she stay with him for so long (almost 6 years!) and yet, already in the 2nd year of their relationship she had already fallen out of love bordering towards hate in the last years. Her answer was: “I had unconsciously became dependant”.
"(The) Ironic thing is", she added while we hugged our goodbyes, "I seek independancy and ways to be free, but return home to fulfill my own dependant needs."
L., my friend, I hope to see you again.